Watch out now!

Apparently I’m on the attack!

First off – I’ve only ever attacked and put down one person on my blog. My now ex sister-in-law – and now – I feel bad about it. Yeah she still broke my brother’s heart but at the same time I want to know why and I want to hear it for myself from her mouth. I asked her sister yesterday how to get in touch with her….no word back just yet.

On top of that – that girl was my best friend. And to be brutally honest I was more mad at her because now we couldn’t be friends.

If I wanted to attack someone then I would talk about their past and name them straight out. If I wanted to put down someone I’d talk about how they treat people or how they are themselves and I’d also name them straight out.

ALSO – I don’t see how stating my opinion on a blog is attacking or putting down anyone. I don’t tell other people how to raise their kids. Maybe people get defensive about what I say because they feel bad about doing what I talk about. Who knows.

I will say this – I have a problem with people talking about me behind my back. I have a problem with people saying that I force my opinions on others. I have a problem with people who straight up lie about things they have said in the past. I also have a problem with people lying about me.

So, you are more than welcome to fly off. If you can’t say it to my face or in a public forum like Facebook or right here on the dear old blog….then kindly shut your face.

Advertisements

So Over It….

So I know it’s been two weeks since I posted once again – what can I say? Life gets in the way.

Let me tell you – I’ve had it up to here (WAY over my head) with people acting like – well like kids. I don’t know what they said to make you kiss up to them but as of right now – I don’t give a flip. If it’s not about you – then you don’t care. You act as if I don’t even exist until you want something. Do not sit there and think that I am going to jump when you say so. If you want to be part of my life, our life, then make yourself available and make yourself known. Other wise – don’t pitch a fit when I don’t do what you want.

On another note – what the hell is with people giving their kids (like UNDER 2 years old) sweet tea? I mean seriously? Do you not think that it’s bad for them? “Here little one, here’s some tea so you get addicted to the sugar and pitch fits and have sugar highs.”

I flipped out one day when Jeremy told me that his step mom gave Keira a sippy cup of sweet tea. She knows I freaked out about it. Anyway – she said that she didn’t think it was that big a deal. Well you know what – she’s my daughter and you should ask before you give her something. She will not have anything BUT juice or milk until she’s at least three years old. Seth isn’t even allowed to have caffeine – maybe a glass of tea sometimes with dinner (I know tea has caffeine but it’s not like he drinks it all the time). He drinks sprite, water, juice or milk.

I was out once with friends at dinner about two years ago and a woman had a baby who was maybe a year or year and a half old was sitting in the table next to us. I watched her pour COKE into her babies sippy cup and he drank at least two of them while we were there.  Oh and don’t get me started on pregnant people smoking or drinking or being any other kind of unhealthy.

I’m sorry – I hardly ever drink coke so I wouldn’t give it to my kids. I drink mostly water, sprite, koolaid, milk or Diet Snapple. I have an energy drink every now and again and Seth (who’s almost 11) asked when he could have one. I told him when he’s 18 and old enough to have one. Kids under 18 don’t need any energy drinks – they have enough freakin’ energy unless they sit on their arse and play video games all the time and are over weight and only drink them to stay awake to play more Halo.

Am I sorry if what I said offends you? Nope – not one tiny bit. Cause it’s my opinion and my blog. Freedom of Speech folks…..

 

 

Here I Go Again….

Oh boy – I don’t know what it is but I just get so ticked off at people sometimes!!

I wrote this big long 500+ word post about something I’ve ranted about before – people using government money in ways that they shouldn’t. I decided that maybe you guys have heard enough of that. I’ll just say this: I think this country is even more on the decline than it used to be and I don’t see it getting better in the next four years….

BUT (and there is ALWAYS a but) one thing – good for you for buying a $30,000 + plus vehicle dude – cept maybe you could have used that money to pay off the house that you don’t own so you won’t have to worry about losing a place to live since you say you can’t pay it. Also – judging by your weight – maybe you should spend a little less money on that junk food you just spent $25 on.

 

 

It’s Called….

FREEDOM OF SPEECH for a reason.

People are free to express their views on anything and everything according to the Constitution. You know opinions on clothes, people, politics….anything really. So to sit there and tell me that what I posted (which was meant to be funny) is a “childish lash out at our nation’s president” and that Iam what’s wrong with this country and not our economy – then I guess you haven’t read that part of it.

Of course – I think at least one of you was joking. I can not be what’s wrong with our country as I am not the one who runs it. I can not use big words to tell you off cause that would just make me sound pretentious (ha!), I can’t make myself sound Harvard educated about everything law, but what I can tell you for sure and with 100% of my being is this: Obama is not good for this country.

I watched every debate and read the fact checks the next day and did my own research. If I was doing a shot for every time Obama said something that wasn’t true – I’d have ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning – on all three occasions.

Like I’ve said earlier – it’s called free speech for a reason. I have my opinions, you have yours.

I believe in a one man, one woman marriage and in biblical principles. I do not think that GLBTQ’s need to have an option for “legal marriage” and everything that goes along with it. I think that anyone in this country illegally should have the option to start the required paperwork and everything that goes along with it with notification that if they do not comply and start the process in 60 days they will be deported back to where they came from.

I believe in drug tests for those on welfare, unemployment and food stamps. If they test positive, they don’t get those funds. Harsh? Maybe – but I’m tired of paying for everyone else. Small business need a tax break – BIG TIME.

There are so many other things I could go into – but I won’t because I think my fingers would fall off if I did. Want to know my stance on something (anything at all – political or not)? Ask me and I will post about it here for you and everyone else to see.

I am my own person and I have my own ideas and come to my own conclusions. Thanks and have a GREAT day!

Get Over Yourself….

I mean – for real.

You are not the center of anyone’s world.

You are not the one that everyone’s plans are supposed to center around.

When you say jump – I will not say “How high”.

It’s been about six months. Just because I can’t be in two places at the same time you want to hold on to that and be mad at me for it. That’s fine – you go right ahead. Sit way down at the other end of the table at dinner and not say a word. That’s okay too because I don’t want to talk to someone who acts that way.

In all your years on this earth – have you ever done anything for anyone else? I’d highly doubt it.

I just don’t get it and after all these years I guess I never will. I never expected you to be there all the time for us but I halfway expected that when I needed you for something you WOULD be there. But nope. There is always a reason for not helping or doing whatever.

I’m going to stop right there cause anything else I say would just be – well – even worse. I hope that one day you realize that because of your selfishness you will have missed out on her growing up, and you can’t blame me for that.

Not Who I Thought

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted something. Sorry. A lot has been going through my brain. Part of it doesn’t even have to do with me.

Lets start at the beginning – May 6th 2007. My 24th birthday and the day that I was told my daddy was in the hospital. I think it was that day that I met my sister-in-law Crystal for the first time. Her and my brother had been married for a couple of years I think. I didn’t go to their wedding. Me and my brother didn’t talk much back then. Don’t ask my why cause I can’t remember.

It was the first time that all five of my dad’s kids were in a room together in a LONG time. Me and Johnathan have a half-brother and two half sisters. I haven’t seen one sister since then and my half-brother a hand full of times. My other sister I talked to every once in a while until recently. I’m trying to fix that. Point is – Crystal had never met me and I was wary of her I guess. I wondered what my brother had told her about me. On May 9th 2007 what my brother might or might not have told her didn’t matter any more – my dad’s wish was for me and Johnathan to fix whatever was wrong between us and be a family again. Later that evening he passed away.

Fast forward to July 6th 2007 – about two months time – Crystal, my best friend at the time Chrissy, and I spent the night at my house together because the next day I was getting married and Johnathan was walking me down the aisle. I don’t remember how it happened or what was said but me and Johnathan fixed whatever was wrong between us because that’s what daddy wanted. Crystal and I soon became best friends and did everything together.

When I was having a hard day or was upset – she was the first one I would call or text. If I wanted to go to the mall she was the first one I would ask to go with me. Her and my brother were trying to have a baby but found out they couldn’t so they talked about adoption and about fostering a child. When she found out I was pregnant she was so excited for me. After Keira was born and I went back to work Crystal watched her a few days a week and Keira loved her and loved Lilly their Yorkie and her Uncle Johnathan. I was glad they got to see her so much. Once Crystal started school full-time she couldn’t keep Keira anymore – so she went to daycare full-time but I made sure that her Aunt Crystal and Uncle Johnathan saw her as much as they could or as much as they wanted.

September 9th 2012 – my mom’s birthday party at her house after church. Johnathan and Crystal were there and so was our Aunt Teresa (my mom’s sister) and my step dad Larry. We had burgers and hot dogs and sat around and talked about what everyone was up to and what the future plans were. We had a good time.

September 21st 2012 – about two weeks later – I missed a phone call from my brother at 10:30 at night. I was tired and half asleep and told myself I would call him back in the morning. That never happened.

September 22nd 2012 – My brother calls me again around 9pm and I answer cause me and the kids just got home. Once Keira is in her bed and Seth’s in the shower we can talk. We talk for over an hour. My phone dies, I run in the house and plug it up and call him back to talk for about another hour I’d guess.

I can’t sleep that night. I get maybe four hours of sleep. The next day my eyes hurt and I’m angry, hurt and betrayed. Long story short – Crystal left. No warnings, no signs – just left and took just about everything with her. I had talked to her just two days before on Facebook and texted her about picking something up for me at Ikea and bringing it to me the next time she was up here. (They had moved back towards Atlanta). She didn’t act like anything was wrong and I think I actually even spoke to her on the phone that week.

I was angry that she had hurt my brother so badly. Mad because she didn’t give any signs or warnings and because she just refused to try to fix anything. Then she blocked us all from her Facebook account and has now apparently deleted it. I’m sure she has opened another one though – she’s addicted to it.

I was upset for about two days and then I was over it. Or so I thought. Jeremy mentioned something about friends one day in the car – I think on the way to church. I thought about it for a minute and realized – I no longer had a best friend. I wasn’t just mad at Crystal for what she had done to my brother but I was also mad at her because of what she’d done to me. Selfish – I know.

I had thought that I could trust her, that she would never lie or hurt me. I had this crazy thought that she would always be there. Then one day she wasn’t and she’s not going to be ever again. I saw something the other day and I thought “Oh – I have to tell Crys—” I couldn’t tell her anything anymore.

I’m no longer angry at her – I feel sorry for her. I’ve prayed for her and I’ve cried for her. She will never again find anyone who will treat her as good as my brother did. He never told her no. She is not the person that I thought she was and she is certainly not the person she portrayed to be.

Crystal – if you are reading this I will miss you – even though it may not seem like it by what I’ve said. Even though I keep telling myself I shouldn’t – I will. You were my best friend and like a sister to me. I will never understand why you’ve done what you have but I’m sure you have your reasons.

I hate you.

Yes. I said hate.

I hate that you get under my skin and make me feel like I want to chop my foot off. I hate your mouth and the crap that you do with it. It’s ridiculous that you are so annoying….I don’t see how anyone can stand you AT ALL. You drive me insane.

Hehe….yeah.

STUPID CHIGGERS!

OH EM GEE!! I went to the lake this weekend with Jeremy’s family and rode the jet ski and just hung out. It was all good until me and Hunter (Jeremy’s step niece) decided to go on a walk. Never wear flip-flops to go for a walk in the woods by a lake. Wear actual shoes and jeans. I had flip-flops and jeans on but my jeans were rolled up so that they didn’t drag.

On the way back to camp is when I started itching. It’s horrible. I didn’t take a picture cause I want to spare you the horrible image. I counted the bites on my feet alone – 34. Just on my FEET. THIRTY FOUR. Do I need to say it again? 34!!!

Never in my life have I ever itched so bad!! I’ve tried everything – clear fingernail polish and even Neosporin with pain. Neither one really works but when the fingernail polish burns it stops itching for a while – so that’s good right? Probably not. Either way – I looked them up. You can see what I found here. Oh – try searching for “chiggers” under images. That’s exactly what I look like from my ankles down.

I have on tall socks and my running shoes today….maybe it was a bad idea. I have resisted the urge to itch but they still bother me with the socks and the shoes rubbing against everything. I had planned on running today – and I still plan to but I doubt I will enjoy it today with my feet bothering me so much. We have 26 days until our first 5K (Jeremy and I). So I need to be on my game as much as I can and having a three-day holiday weekend with no running has me behind. Wish me luck today as I go running.

 

Honestly…

People just piss me off. A few fly to the front of my mind right away.

One can’t tell the truth for a million dollars and another – well – they are rather an unsavory person I’d rather not call family and the last – that person just gets on my last nerve with all the “it’s all about me” crap. I have to talk to one person at least once a month, the unsavory character I haven’t spoken to since after my father died and the “me me me” has been a few months.

I have very few requirements to be in my social/family circle.

Number one: tell me the freaking truth. If and when I find out you are lying or not telling the whole truth – strike one my friend. Do it again – strike two. ONE more time – that’s it. Don’t talk to me and don’t try to be friends with me. If we HAVE to see each other…I guess I just have to deal with it but that doesn’t mean I have to talk to you or sit next to you and be all buddy buddy for everyone else’s benefit. I have several people who are on their second strike and HOVERING on third. Get there and you are gone.

Number two: Do not bring me into a discussion that isn’t about me and do not bring other people into a discussion that isn’t about them. If I say “Why didn’t you do this when you said you would?” Then give me an answer all about how so and so is ripping you off and you have no money. I DON’T CARE. Just say “I don’t have the money right now.” You should have said that BEFORE jack hole! You don’t have to tell a child that you won’t do what you said you’d do – well you will but just a month and a half later. Either way he’s still disappointed.

You ask me any question and I will tell you the truth. Heck leave me a comment with a question and I’ll answer it ASAP with the honest truth. PLEASE do it. Go head. I am so pissed off right now it’s not even funny. I guess this Rockstar Relax drink works…cause I’d usually be crying mad and angry texting and shaking.

Seriously. Piss off if you can’t handle the truth and don’t come at me being all woe is me with your crap!

Technically…

I shouldn’t be writing this cause I’m at work.

You see last Wednesday I went onto Facebook and Hulu like I always do at lunch to catch up on my shows and gossip. Then it happened. My computer crashed. Long story short – it died a fast death. It didn’t feel any pain. But I sure as heck did. For the next day and a half I had to hand write tickets at work and tags. Friday I didn’t get a computer until about 3pm, thirty minutes before I am supposed to leave.

To top it off – Monday it wouldn’t work. I now have my “local desktop” which is on the actual computer here in the office and a “virtual desktop” which I have to log into everyday which is actually at the home office to do my work. I can’t have short cuts on there cause “it’s just not allowed”. I also can’t open any kind of file on my local desktop because – guess what – that’s not allowed either.

Give me a break! This system sucks. I can’t scan anything cause it will go to my local desktop instead of the virtual one. If I need to print something from a floppy disk I can’t do it from the virtual one only the local one AND if I need to open something from a thumb drive I have to open my PERSONAL email from Google and send it to myself at work because I don’t have any programs to open it in my local desktop. It’s just ridiculous.

Also – since I am technically not supposed to anything on my local desk top and I can’t do anything on the virtual desk top except work, my Kindle has gotten good use the past few days. I have finished two books. Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman and Little Sacrifices by Jamie Scott. I meant to download a new book last night but I just never got around to it so now I have nothing to do – hence my writing you this.

Neverwhere was hard to get into – it’s about an “Underground London” where people go when they slip through the cracks. There are ratspeakers, witches, Kings and the Velvet Women. It was okay – I gave it a 3 out of 5 stars. I wouldn’t spend the money to buy it as a real book. I’m glad I only spent a few bucks on it.

Little Sacrifices was good – I guess. Historical Fiction – my kind of thing. I so wasn’t prepared for the losing of her virginity or the back yard abortion from a back alley mid wife. It was set in Savannah in the 1930’s. It had a substory too from letters that were found in the attic of the home the main character and her family moved into set in the 1900’s that ties into her friends she makes. I’d give it a 4 out of 5.

This wasn’t meant to turn into a book review post but – I guess it doesn’t matter. Maybe now since I am not supposed to have anything else to do I can spend more time finishing up one of my stories instead of reading others. 🙂

Hello Again

I realize it’s been two weeks (EEK!) since I wrote a post. Things have just been a little – well….crappy lately.

I was talking to my mom the other day (yesterday actually) and told her this: I feel like I work my hardest and try to do better for myself and my family and it seems like I never get ahead. People who seem to do NOTHING get everything they want/need and that’s BS.

I mean, I see people who say that they are struggling because only one person in their marriage is working but yet they have expertly done nails and toes. Hell – I haven’t had my hair cut in almost six months because I don’t have the money to have it done and have you SEEN my eyebrows lately? Plucking them is not fun…I’d much rather have them ripped out with wax every two weeks but I don’t have the money for that either.

I’m still trying to pull together Keira’s birthday which – in all truth – I have nothing done. The venue is booked but not paid for and the photographer is booked too but not paid for. That’s $200 for both right there. Her cake and cupcakes are ordered. I need to get her invitations, I found the food platters I want and all the decorations I need. It just needs to come together which is kind of stressing me out.

Oh and – I am so completely thankful for Jeremy’s step mom and his dad (Mawmaw and Big Daddy). They keep Keira every once in a while so we can have a meal together without me worrying about feeding her first and my food getting cold. Do you know how awesome that is? I love her to death and miss her horribly but it’s nice to sit and actually eat warm food once in a while. My mom loves Keira to death too but doesn’t get to see her that often cause she works a lot. She comes by the house some too (sorry about the mess mom). I don’t know what we would do without Mawmaw, Big Daddy and Neeah! You guys are awesome grandparents!

Anyway – I feel like I can’t get ahead for nothing. There are two doctor bills that need to be paid because my insurance or Keira’s insurance didn’t cover stuff and that my FSA won’t cover since they were last years bills. There are three other bills that could be completely paid off too and everything else is just regular bills that I can’t really do anything about. Like water, cable, electric etc. Those don’t worry me as much cause they are necessities.

I think I will be less stressed when Seth starts back to school because instead of paying $215 for daycare I will be paying about $185. It’s only a difference of $30 a week but that could go towards those bills I mentioned. Seth wants to take his lunch again this year and needs a new lunch bag. Baseball is in the spring and we just got him a new glove so it will be broken in by then. Keira and Seth both need clothes. Seth because he’s growing out of them for school and Keira well because of the same thing. Babies grow fast and I realized we don’t have a lot of 9-12 month clothes for her. She can still wear some of her 0-3 month onesies!

So – when I was talking to my mom she said that she did the same thing when me and my brother were little. She worried about paying bills and dreamed about a business she could start and things she could do. She said that she should have spent more time with us instead. That we aren’t little forever. She said that she remembered holding our little faces in her hands and thinking “I need to remember this”.

Of course we cried. She said things will get better and I know they will – I just wish it was sooner rather than later.

And who knew my mom was so smart? 🙂