Missing Her/Him

Last weekend (Thursday to be exact) Jeremy’s granny Pony passed away. I’ve known this woman for more than ten years – longer than Jeremy and I have been together. Why? I met her when I was dating someone Jeremy knew and we used to hang out. I met her at some kind of family function or Jeremy’s birthday or something.

She never had a bad thing to say about anyone and always tried to make light of a bad situation. The woman always smiled no matter what was going on. I don’t remember exactly why she got the name Pony but it was different and she was the only one. There will never be another Pony.

Seth was with his grandmother in Nashville all that week and had come home on Saturday. I had told him through the week that Pony wasn’t doing good and that he should pray for her before he goes to bed at night. When I talked to him that Friday after she passed I didn’t say anything when he asked how she was. Jeremy wanted to tell him. We told him that Saturday night around dinner time.

He didn’t cry. He just shook his head and waited for us to say grace. Let me tell you something about Seth. If you prepare him for something ahead of time – he can deal with it. If you just spring it on him last-minute it freaks him out, breaks his heart which ever emotion you’d expect. Since I had told him all week that Pony wasn’t at her best – he was prepared for it. He knew she was in a better place and not hurting anymore. He knew we’d see her again some day.

Still – we miss her. Even now – I’m crying at work writing this (shhh). I tried not to cry much Sunday at visitation and I mostly got through it. Distraction by babies worked. Monday though at the funeral Seth was back at school and Keira was at daycare. There were no babies to distract me. I did cry – but not only because of Pony. It was the same funeral home that my dad was in five years ago next month. It was the first time I had been back there for a funeral.

I started to think about that day and things that were said and done, songs that were played. Which – one of dad’s was one of Pony’s. I realized then that I didn’t remember what the casket looked like that daddy was buried in. Pony’s was shiny silver all over – I’ll never forget that. Why couldn’t I remember dad’s? Did that make me a bad daughter?

So not only was I crying because I missed Pony – I missed my dad too. More than I have in a long time. I know I’ll miss them forever – until I see them again but I shouldn’t cry cause they’re gone. Because they are with Him and happy and healthy.

We all miss and love you Daddy and Pony….

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