Emotions (Day 20)

Yesterday I would have let my emotions get the best of me – but dried my tears and calmed down and I was smart and changed everything I said.

You know – when I turned 18 (in May 2001) – I moved out. Shesh – biggest mistake ever. If I would have stayed with Dad I would have went to college instead of getting pregnant that summer. July 4th to be exact. Anyway – if I had stayed with dad I wouldn’t have made the decisions that I did that led to that July day. Then of course I wouldn’t have Seth and that would kind of suck since I love him so much but do you see where I am going with this?

I would have went to Berry or some other awesome college and gotten a degree. I could be some hot-shot accountant or psychologist. Could have been…but I ain’t. I am a 27-year-old mother of a nine-year old with another on the way with an awesome husband and a nice house and two cars that have no problems and dog that scares away the cable guy but is really just a big baby.

Go back nine years, nine months to when my uncle said he would pay for an abortion. I looked around to my aunt and my father and my sister and said “You’re an idiot” and got up and left. I never did like that uncle – still don’t. Having children is amazing. To know that a little person is growing inside you is very odd to think about but that’s the way God made us.

But He made some of us different. Some of us can’t have children for one reason or another but at the same time He has a plan for everyone. There are children out there whose parents didn’t want them so they gave them up for adoption. Now – if I couldn’t have kids that would be my route. All children need someone to love them and support them, even if that love isn’t from someone who’s DNA they share. Yup – there went a tear, dang it.

I don’t know what I am trying to say really – if I even am trying to make a point. Don’t tell me something sad, I’ll cry. Don’t tell me something happy, I’ll cry. Don’t tell me something that makes me mad cause well – I’ll cry. Gosh – okay – enough for today.

xo – S.J.

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